


Forever It Is

by impatient14



Category: Supernatural
Genre: 15x20 coda, 15x20 fix it, Basically my version of what a "secret 21st episode" might look like, First Kiss, Getting Together, Happy Ending, M/M, Sexy Times, kind of, picks up directly after the events of 15x20
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-22
Updated: 2020-11-22
Packaged: 2021-03-09 22:22:25
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,904
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27663307
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/impatient14/pseuds/impatient14
Summary: Picking up directly after the camera stops rolling in 15x20, Sam and Dean look to their new life in Heaven.Their smiles are painted pink and gold from the setting sun. The shadows that arise hold no fear, no uncertainty. They’ve made it to the place in their infinity where they can finally be at peace. They can watch the sun set and rise and set again and know that everyone they love is safe; they know the world will carry on fine without them. At some point one of them will move—maybe suggest stopping by their parents house— but it won’t be Dean. He’s fine right where he is. He wants for nothing.
Relationships: Castiel & Dean Winchester, Castiel/Dean Winchester, Eileen Leahy/Sam Winchester
Comments: 31
Kudos: 434





	Forever It Is

Their smiles are painted pink and gold from the setting sun. The shadows that arise hold no fear, no uncertainty. They’ve made it to the place in their infinity where they can finally be at peace. They can watch the sun set and rise and set again and know that everyone they love is safe; they know the world will carry on fine without them. At some point one of them will move—maybe suggest stopping by their parents house— but it won’t be Dean. He’s fine right where he is. He wants for nothing.

He thinks. He _thinks_ he wants for nothing. It’s hard to be sure. There’s something between his breaths—something that itches. It’s there and then gone. Once it’s gone he forgets it was ever there until the next inhale, and its there again. He breathes in seeking, breaths out content. It’s fine. It doesn’t really bother him. He thinks. He _thinks_ it doesn’t bother him. This is heaven, after all, and everything he needs is right here. Inhale. Exhale.

Sam shifts beside him. “What now?”

“Hmm?”

“Well,” he sighs and turns to rest his back against the railing. “It’s heaven. I’m sure there’s stuff I want to do.”

He doesn’t sound confident. Dean understands. Thinking works differently up here. It’s hard to know what you want when everything you’ve ever wanted is right in front of you. Dean’s jaw tightens as he takes in a big breath.

“When I first got here I got in Baby and drove until…” Dean stops. He can’t remember. The itching returns and Dean turns away from the river with a frown. “I think until now.”

Sam furrows his brow. “You’ve been driving around in Heaven for fifty years?”

“What could be better? Just me and my girl and the open road,” Dean smiles. What he says is true. It’s true and he’s happy that it’s true.

Sam’s face smooths out and he smiles again. “Okay well I think I’d rather go see some people.”

Dean nods and gestures toward Baby. “Alright, who’s up first?”

Sam tilts his head and seems to struggle for a moment. “I… I don’t know.” He pauses, looks around the bridge. “You know what? I think a drive in Baby sounds pretty good. We can catch up with everyone in a bit.”

Dean stares. Inhale. Exhale. Smile. “Well alright then.”

He’s wearing his cheekiest grin as he pulls out his keys and moves toward the car. His feet feel heavy until they don’t. As he reaches for the door handle, his hand shakes until it doesn’t. He frowns as he settles in his seat and Sam slides in beside him. The seat feels off, scratchy despite the denim divide, but by the time the key is in the ignition, he’s smiling again.

***

And so they drive. They drive through the night and into the next morning. They don’t get tired and they don’t need to sleep. Or eat. Dean thinks maybe that’s strange. He remembers pie and burgers, beer and whiskey, but he doesn’t crave them. He’s good. He’s got everything he needs right here. 

Sam is quiet. He talks a little about his wife and son, tells Dean some stories that make him laugh until he cries, but mostly the ride is quiet. They just drive and drive and… drive. The road doesn’t change, doesn’t curve. Dean wonders if he even needs to steer. He keeps his hands on the wheel because he loves driving Baby. It’s all he’s ever really wanted to do. He thinks. He thinks maybe he used to want to do other things, but this is better. This is—

“What are you doing?”

Dean and Sam jump in their seats and spin around to find Jack sitting in the back seat.

“Jack?” Sam cries. “What are you doing here?”

Jack looks around the car, out the window and probably at each individual molecule that makes up the scene around him. Dean looks back and forth from the rear view window to the road. He should be happy to see Jack, but he’s… not. He’s surprised and… and… something. He doesn’t know. He thinks maybe he’s afraid but he hasn’t felt afraid in so long he isn’t sure what it feels like anymore.

“What are _you_ doing here?” Jack replies. 

Sam looks to Dean, obviously sharing some of Dean’s discontent, and then looks back at Jack. “We’re in heaven. You built it, right? You should know.”

“I…” Jack’s eyes move slowly around the scene again. “I did rebuild heaven.”

Sam and Dean share incredulous looks.

“Uh, don’t take this the wrong way, Buddy, but you’re sort of creeping me out,” Dean says. His hands squeeze tighter around the steering wheel. His knuckles are white, his fingers ache. 

“Are you…” Jack pauses, his brow furrowed tight in conflict. “Are you happy here?”

“Happy?” Sam repeats. “Jack, we’re in Heaven. Of course we’re happy.”

His response is correct. It’s true. They’re in Heaven and they are happy. Dean is happy.

“Dean?” Jack prompts.

“What?” Dean snaps. He doesn’t know why. He didn’t mean to. “What Sammy said. It’s Heaven, Jack.”

Jack’s eyes move slowly between them, frowning. It’s obvious he’s struggling with something, which Dean finds weird because Jack’s God now and God’s shouldn’t look so out of their depth.

“What do you do here?” Jack asks eventually.

Sam shrugs. “I just got here, but we’ve mostly just drove around. Enjoyed the peace and quiet.”

“Drive?” Jack repeats. “Your Heaven is driving around in a car you’ve had almost all of your life for all eternity?”

The question isn’t incredulous, merely curious. There’s still a lot Jack doesn’t understand about humanity.

“Well, I mean…” Dean starts, but he doesn’t know how to finish.

The car is quiet until Sam asks, “Is something wrong?”

“Yes. But I’m not sure if it matters. If you’re happy here—”

“What’s wrong?” Dean asks and as soon as the words are out of his mouth a shiver runs through his body. It’s painful before it’s gone. He’s stopped driving. The car is parked in the middle of the road and Dean is turned almost entirely around in his seat.

“You tell me,” Jack says. He looks at them patiently, blithely. He looks like a young man but feels like a God and Dean struggles to put the right words together when he’s staring so intently at him. He shakes his head and grumbles as he gets out of the car. Sam quickly follows and Jack is beside the car in a blink. “You seem unsettled.”

“Well, yeah, man. You just show up here and…” Dean doesn’t know what he wants to say because he doesn’t know why he’s bothered. The scratchy feeling that used to ebb and flow is now suffocating him. He can feel it clawing its way under his skin.

“This isn’t right,” he manages to say.

Sam nods. “Yeah… I… I don’t know how to describe it but… I mean, I’m happy. This is Heaven. It’s perfect and we have—”

“Everything we need,” Dean finishes. He closes his eyes and shakes away the phrase. It’s not right. It’s not true. Except it obviously is because he’s in Heaven and he just needs to get in Baby and drive. That’s all he needs. Him and Sammy will get in the car and just drive until—

“This isn’t Heaven,” Jack says. “I didn’t build this place.”

“You didn’t?” Sam’s face is contorted in that way that makes him look like a scared animal, and Dean hates it so much. This is Heaven, Goddamnit. Sam isn’t supposed to look like that here.

“No,” Jack replies. “This is the ending Chuck wrote for you.”

“Chuck?” Dean snaps. “You de-Godded Chuck. He didn’t get to finish writing our story. We wrote our own story and now we’re done. We’re done, Jack. We made it to Heaven and we’ve finally got everything we—”

He cuts himself off. He doesn’t think he believes any of it. He said it, so he must believe it, but Dean doesn’t think its true. For the first time since he died, Dean thinks maybe he _doesn't_ have everything he needs.

“I’m sorry it took me so long to realize what happened,” Jack says absently. “I should have found you sooner.”

“What are you talking about?” Sam asks.

“I did de-God Chuck, as you said, but it didn’t happen the way you think it did,” Jack tells them carefully. “I did absorb the energy from Michael’s death, but before I could strip him of his powers, Chuck shifted you into a new reality and disappeared.”

“A new reality?” Dean whispers, his eyes on the country road he’s been driving for decades. Happily. He’s been driving his Baby for years because he’s in Heaven and he’s happy here. He has everyt— “Mother fucker.”

“Yes,” Jack agrees with a serious frown. “It took me a little while to find Chuck. Being the only two entities in the world wasn’t the asset you’d think it be. He had enough power to create obstacles and new dimensions. I thought maybe he was hiding in The Empty at one point, but I didn’t know how to get there.”

Dean’s head snaps up. The Empty. Cas. He’s… Cas isn’t here. Cas should be here. The clawing under his skin becomes a full on burning and Dean is on fire. He feels like he’s going to throw up. Cas should be _here_.

“Eventually, I caught up with him on Antares. I destroyed the star when I sucked the power out of Chuck, but other than that it wasn’t too eventful.” He shrugs. “After that, I went back to Earth and rebuilt it. It took a while. Longer than I thought it would. Humans are particular.”

Sam’s mouth is open, his eyes wide. “Jack, what exactly are you saying? What happened to us?”

“You were sent to an alternate universe and lived the life you lived until you ended up here. Time works differently in this reality. It’s only been two years since your final fight with Chuck.”

“Two…” Sam whispers. “My wife? My son? All of that time… two years?”

“Yes,” Jack says. “Again. I’m sorry it took me so long to find you. I couldn’t feel you here. Even as God, I couldn’t find you. It wasn’t until I destroyed The Empty and saved Cas that—”

“Cas is alive?” Dean jumps in.

“Yes,” Jack says. He smiles. “He was the one that found you.”

“What?” Dean narrows his eyes. “How?”

Jack looks down at the road. “He thought it’d be best for me to come and see you. He didn’t know if he’d be able to leave you here if you’d decided to stay.”

“Where is he?” Dean asks, stepping forward into Jack’s space. He doesn’t know what he’s doing anymore. His body is just a collection of cells and he only has control over half of them. “Where’s Cas?”

“In Heaven. The real Heaven. He’s helped me rebuild it.”

“Eileen,” Sam says suddenly. “Jack—”

“She’s also in Heaven,” Jack replies. “We seem to have built a heaven very similar to this one, at least in one area. It’s an open world, with shifts and illusions that ensure everyone’s happiness.”

Sam nods. There’s sadness pulling at his features, but, just like Dean, he struggles to hold on to it.

“Are we really dead?” Dean asks. “I mean, if you take us back to our reality, will we go to heaven?”

Jack shrugs. “It’s up to you. You deserve to live a life you choose. After everything you’ve been through, you deserve real peace.” He looks around at the serene country scene. “Not this imitation of it.”

“Why did he do this?” Dean asks, real, recognizable anger coursing through his veins for the first time in… well. It feels like centuries but it’s only been two years since this body felt the kind of rage that makes him want to kill things. But that’s not who he is. He isn’t that person.

“He really didn’t like you,” Jack replies. “He wanted you to finish his story.”

“But this?” Sam asks, arms raised to gesture around them. “It’s…it’s nice here. I mean, it’s Heaven. I feel… I’m happy here.”

“Are you?”

“Yes,” Sam replies instantly. Dean wants to say it too, but he knows its not true so he refuses. He bites his lip.

“Are you really?”

Sam opens his mouth then promptly closes it again.

“This place is fucking with our heads,” Dean says sharply. “We need to get out of here.”

Jack nods. “Okay. Where to?”

Sam and Dean share a look. Thats a good question. It feels like they’ve already lived their lives. Well, Sam did at least. He got to have a family and grow old with someone. Dean got impaled with a rusty screw and died thinking it was right. He died thinking that this was always how it had to be for him—thinking that screw was all he was ever worth. A very big part of him still thinks maybe that’s the way he’s supposed to go out. He died like a hunter. That was his destiny. 

“No,” Jack says. “That was Chuck’s story. There is no destiny anymore, Dean. You don’t have to follow a script.”

Dean blinks as he digests Jack’s telepathic intrusion.

“So that means…” Sam starts. 

“You can go back to Earth. Live a life you choose. Or you can go to the real Heaven and rest eternally. It’s your choice.”

Dean swallows back bile. His heart his pounding, but his mind is trying to convince him it’s not. One look at Sam and Dean knows he’s feeling similarly. He knows what he wants, but he doesn’t know if he can have it. 

“What about Cas?” Dean asks. “What’s his story?”

Jack tilts his head in confusion. “What do you mean? I told you he helped rebuild heaven. I think he’s currently…” Jack trails off and his eyes glaze over. Seconds later he blinks and smiles. “He’s currently helping a young woman find her lost cat.” 

Dean’s lips twitch into a smile. “So he’s on Earth?”

Jack nods. “He is, at least some of the time. There’s still much to be done.”

Dean’s smile grows. Cas is alive and on Earth and Dean… Dean needs…

“I want to go to Earth,” Dean says in a rush. “I want a chance to live a life for me. I want…” Cas, he thinks. I want Cas. 

“Alright,” Jack says. “I can return you to Earth, but you need to know that I won’t be interfering in your life. If you return to Earth, you will live your life and you will die as you will die. Humanity deserves…” Jack suddenly gazes into nothing. He blinks a few seconds later and smiles. “Castiel found the cat. Her name is sprinkles.” He looks back to Dean, who’s rolling his eyes fondly over Cas’ good news. “Anyway. As I was saying, Humanity deserves a chance to be free of celestial control.”

Dean nods. “I get it. It’s cool. I’ll just avoid vamps and barns and I’ll be all set.”

“I didn’t bring back the monsters,” Jack says flatly. “There’s demons still, of course, and a hell for those who deserve to go there, but the only supernatural being on Earth is Castiel.” He pauses. “And sometimes Me.” He pauses again and his lips pull up into his proud smile. “And Crowley.” 

“Crowley?” Sam repeats, incredulous. “You brought back Crowley?”

“We need a king of Hell,” Jack says with a shrug. “Castiel recommended him.” 

“Well, I’ll be damned,” Dean chuckles. “That’s good, Jack. You’ve done good.”

Jack smiles proudly again. “Thank you.” He turns to Sam. “And you Sam? Where would you like to go?”

Dean knows the answer so he just starts thinking about what he’ll say to Cas when he sees him. He didn’t have a chance to say anything before The Empty took him—hell he didn’t even have a chance to react. It all happened so fast and now he’s not even sure if he understood Cas correctly. He feels nervous until he doesn’t. His mind is telling him he’s happy—telling him he has everything he needs here. 

“I don’t know,” Sam says and Dean freezes. Sam looks guilty, conflicted and… tired. He suddenly looks so tired. “I just…” Sam turns to Dean and sighs. “I already had this whole life. I mean, just because it was an alternate reality doesn’t make it any less real. I loved my wife. I loved my son. I was happy. I had a really good life, Dean.”

“Okay? So? You have a chance to live another one. One you get to choose. Get another wife. Have some more kids. Or go back to law school and—”

“Dean, I’m a middle aged man who’s been fighting monsters for the last two decades. I don’t want to go to law school. I want to just… rest. I want…” He trails off and looks at Jack. “Maybe if Eileen could come back. If she could go back to Earth with me…”

“I’m sorry Sam,” Jack says. “Eileen has chosen to stay in Heaven. She doesn’t know I’ve found you. It’s possible she’d change her mind, but when I gave her the option, she chose to stay in Heaven. She’s adopted a child who died from meningitis. She’s happy.”

There’s a ghost of a smile pulling at Sam’s lips. This time, when Sam answers Jack’s question, Dean’s ready for it.

“I want to go to the real Heaven,” Sam says. He looks at Dean instead of Jack, and Dean is happy for him. Happiness is the default here, but Dean realizes now that the happiness has always been empty. A vessel that exists but sits hollow in his chest. He wants to be whole again, and he wants that for Sam too.

He doesn’t cry. He’s shed so many tears over his brother, he’s not sure he has any left. Besides, Dean’s not sad. It could be because its hard to be sad here, but Dean thinks its true. He’s happy for Sam. He wants Sam to follow his own path, where ever that leads. 

Dean nods. “Yeah. That’s sounds about right.” He’s smiling, so Sam smiles too and then they’re hugging each other tight. “I love you, little brother.”

“I love you too,” Sam says, and squeezes Dean tighter. When they part, they’re both still smiling. There’s no fear in this goodbye. There’s no grief or regrets. This is the goodbye they choose and it’s right. Besides, it’s not forever. Sam will be waiting to greet Dean when he arrives in Heaven one day, probably with his arm around Eileen and a few rugrats at his feet. 

“Well, if you’re ready,” Jack says, “I’ll take Sam to Heaven and then return to take you to Earth.”

Dean nods. “Sounds like a plan.” He smiles at Sam as Jack steps closer and places his hand on Sam’s arm. “See you later, Sammy.”

“Not too soon, I hope,” Sam says, and then they’re gone, and Dean is left standing on the side of the country road, Baby at his back and a perfect spring day all around him. 

“I should probably get some booster shots when I get back,” Dean mumbles to himself, but its barely a thought at all because his mind is just chaos, chaos suffocating in the warm blanket this place keeps wrapping him in. He rubs his hands over his face and tries to focus. He hopes Sam is already with Eileen; he hopes they’re sharing the first moments of their eternity together. He can’t imagine what it feels like for his brother. He must miss his wife…whatever her name was, Dean didn’t catch it actually, but he knows Sam loved her. Fake reality or not, Sam had a whole life without Dean and without Eileen and he wouldn’t be surprised if Sam has a hard time adjusting to his new reality. 

Dean leans against Baby and thinks about what he might want to do with his life. With no monsters to hunt, he could get a real job. A house. A family. He could build a cabin in the woods and call it a Roadhouse. There are so many possibilities—Dean’s shaking from it. This place Chuck threw them in, this place that makes him forget what happiness really feels like, this place pulses around him and inside him. He’s content, it says. He’s perfectly content. He has everything he’ll ever need here. It’s a lie and now Dean knows it. 

“Fucking asshole,” Dean murmurs.

“I—I’m sorry,” a gravel soaked voice says and Dean spins around to find Castiel standing on the other side of the car. He looks… He looks so good. He’s wearing his usual clothes, tan trench coat, dark suit, and blue tie, but there’s something about him that shines. Dean’s stomach flips and flutters. “If you’d rather Jack—”

“No!” Dean says quickly, hand up to stop Castiel from completing an incredibly stupid sentence. He walks slowly around the car to stand in front of him. “No, I—that was for Chuck.”

Castiel’ eyes widen as his body tenses. “He’s here? Dean—”

“No, no, man,” Dean says, smiling because he can’t fucking help it. Castiel looks like he’s ready to murder the world at the mere mention of Chuck, and Dean… well Dean finds it so adorable his heart stutters in his chest. He places his hand on Castiel’s shoulder and lets his face do whatever the hell it wants. “Chuck is still dead. I was just thinking out loud. Stand down, Soldier.”

Castiel relaxes instantly. He lets out a soft sigh, meets Dean’s joyful gaze, and then promptly looks away again. He shifts uncomfortably, and Dean lets his hand fall from Cas’ shoulder. The tension rises and Cas looks everywhere but at Dean.

“I-Um, Hello,” Castiel says awkwardly. “Hello, Dean.”

“Hey, Cas,” Dean replies, wishing the angel would just look at him. “How’d you find me?”

Castiel meets his gaze and then it flicks away again. “I… I could feel you. Seems our bond _is_ rather profound.”

“Lucky for me,” Dean replies and he hopes it sounds casual but maybe it’s glib and this isn’t going as well as he’d imagined.

“I’ve come to take you to back,” Castiel tells him, his tone reserved and careful. “Are you ready?”

He’s still not looking at Dean and Dean can’t stand it. It’s not right, this place is suddenly not even mediocre Heaven. It’s absolute hell and Dean’s too good for that. He knows that now. He’s better than this place and he deserves better than what he got. Frustrated, Dean reaches out and places a gentle hand across Castiel’s jaw, turning his face so that Dean can finally look into his eyes.

Castiel startles then freezes completely. But he holds Dean’s gaze. He holds it and his eyes widen when they finally see what’s waiting for him in Dean’s eyes. Dean isn’t going to do this here. Not in this place where he’s not even sure if what he feels is what he feels and this thing with Cas is the most real thing he’s ever felt and he doesn’t want anything interfering with that. 

Dean steps closer and drops his hand from Castiel’s face. He takes his hand instead. “Yeah, Cas. I’m ready.”

***

They’re standing next to the map table at the bunker, and Dean’s still holding Castiel’s hand. His mind has adjusted to reality—to being in a place that lets him feel however he wants to feel. He doesn’t know exactly what that is right now, but that’s okay. He’ll get there on his own. In this moment, Dean’s just going to do what feels right.

Eyes on fire, skin sizzling with tension, Dean tugs gently on Castiel’s hand and pulls him into a hug so soft Dean’s positive he’s blushing like a school girl. In response, Castiel hesitantly wraps his arms around Dean’s waist, settling there lightly until Dean pulls him even closer and buries his head into Castiel’s neck. With Dean’s breath against his skin, Castiel’s hold tightens. His body relaxes, though, and it melts against Dean like maybe Cas has been holding his breath the entire time they’ve been apart. Dean’s hands start trailing slowly across the back of Castiel’s neck, in his hair, down his shoulders. _He smells so good_ , Dean thinks. _How does he always smell so good?_ Castiel is trembling against him, and Dean doesn’t think he’s ever hugged anyone this way—certainly not Cas. Every hug they’ve shared has been filled with joyous relief or strained sorrow. This… this slow molding of their bodies feels more intimate than sex. At least, more intimate than any sex Dean has ever had. 

“Cas,” Dean whispers eventually, his lips grazing the shell of Cas’ ear. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry I didn’t say anything—I couldn’t—”

“No, Dean,” Castiel pulls back enough to look at Dean. “You have nothing to apologize for. I didn’t say those things to you because I wanted a response. I said them because they’re true and I wanted you to know.”

Dean feels tears prickling at his eyes and, _God Damnit_ , he doesn’t want to do that right now. 

“But I wanted to, Cas. I wanted to tell you…” Dean trails off. He looks down at where their bodies are still connected. He can feel Castiel against his chest, his left boot nudging Dean’s right. They have dozens of points of contact but it’s not enough. “This isn’t… you know I don’t do this.”

Castiel stiffens and his voice is suddenly carefully controlled. “I know that, Dean. I don’t expect anything from you.” He starts to pull away, but Dean clings to him. He pulls him back in and presses his forehead against his angel’s.

“Don’t,” Dean whispers. “Don’t misunderstand me. I’m not saying… I’m saying I don’t know how to do this, but I _want_ to. I’ve never had a chance to really do this right and I just… Cas…”

Dean pulls back so he can look in Castiel’s eyes again. They’re wide and hopeful and Dean could just live in them. He really could. It’d be ten times better than Chuck’s Medium Place.

“Cas, you said that I changed you, but you have to know you changed me too. You turned my life upside down, and yeah, sometimes it wasn’t such a great time, but you showed me what it really meant to be free. You made me want to fight for it too. Watching you become your own man… it inspired me. I’m so freaking _proud_ of you, Cas.” 

There are tears in Cas’ eyes and, yeah, Dean’s vision is going blurry too, but at least they’re happy tears.

“You say you cared about the world because of me?” Dean continues. “Cas, you gotta understand that you’re apart of that world. You’re pretty much the most important part of _my_ world.” He leans back in so their foreheads are pressed together again and sighs as a quiet tear falls down his cheek. “So please stop throwing yourself away. You’re indispensable, Cas. Do you hear me? I need you.” 

Castiel nods and his nose grazes against Dean’s. It’s a goddamn miracle that tiny brush of skin. He nuzzles gently against Castiel’s nose, one hand on his cheek the other around the back of his neck. Castiel is still pressed against him, his hands around Dean’s waist, but then his hands are moving, trailing down his hips past his jacket and then back up to sneak underneath. Then there’s just a T-shirt between Castiel’s hands and the skin of Dean’s back and Dean’s trying to figure out how to get closer. He still has things to say, apologies and promises, but right now he just _wants_ … he wants…

“Cas,” Dean whispers, and his lips have moved closer to Castiel’s. Their lips brush but don’t connect and they’re both shaking with restraint, breath coming fast and hard, and Dean doesn’t know why they haven’t just collided yet but he thinks it’s probably because Cas is waiting for him to decide. But Cas doesn’t know that Dean made up his mind a long time ago. He doesn’t know that Dean’s happiness has always been wrapped up in Castiel. There’s so much Castiel doesn’t know and Dean needs to tell him, he needs to tell him everything, but right now he simply says, “I love you.

Castiel's exhale shakes because “I love you” isn’t simple at all, but it’s all Dean has time to say before he’s brushing his lips against Castiel’s again. He pulls away just to press in again, soft but seeking and Castiel’s entire body releases something he’s kept locked inside of himself for far too long. When Dean presses another gentle kiss to his lips, Cas pushes into it and the kiss shifts into… _finally_. Finally they’re here, finally they’re melting together, their lips moving together, hands tight and searching, finally Dean experiences the kind of happiness that has always been just out of reach. 

He pulls Castiel’s bottom lip into his mouth and licks against it. Cas groans as he opens his mouth and Dean slide his tongue inside. They kiss deep and slow, both of them making sounds neither has heard before. It’s exhilarating and erotic and Dean is kind of terrified because now that he knows he can feel this way he never wants it to stop. Castiel bites gently on Dean’s bottom lip as they pull away to breathe, and it’s too far, there’s too much space between them now, but any space is too much so Dean pulls Cas back in and kisses him like maybe this kiss has the power to promise them forever. Cas grips him so tightly, Dean’s sure there will be bruises, but he doesn’t care. Castiel is holding back, Dean knows he is and he won’t stand for it.

He pulls back just enough to look into Castiel’s eyes. They’re hooded, pupils blown wide, and Dean wants to wake up every morning with those eyes looking back at him. He cups Castiel’s face and smiles. “Cas, just do what feels good. Don’t hold back.” 

With that, Castiel lets out a sound so primal Dean’s heart adjusts to a new rhythm under his wondering hands. Castiel’s mouth is back on Dean and devouring him, utterly destroying him for anyone else—which would never happen, but the sentiment remains. Cas worships his mouth, his tongue sinfully kind, moving against Deans like it might have a mind of its own. He starts pulling at Dean’s clothes as he kisses down his jaw and latches his mouth under the bolt of his neck. Dean sees stars, and reaches down to pull Castiel’s hips tight against his own.

“Oh man,” Dean groans. “We should… do you want to…” He can’t get out what he wants to say but it doesn’t matter because Castiel is sliding Dean’s jacket off his shoulders and kissing his neck and across his shoulder. When the jacket falls Cas is holding onto Dean’s hands and whispering something Dean doesn’t understand but he thinks maybe he does. 

“Dean,” Castiel says, out of breath and so beautiful Dean could cry again. “I… I love you. You know that. I’ve loved you for as long as I’ve known you. It wasn’t always _this_ , but it was always there. The more human you made me, the more you changed me, the more I fell in love with you. So, yes, Dean. _I want to_. I want to be with you in every way you’ll let me.”

Dean surges forward and Castiel lets out a small laugh that transitions quickly into a low moan. They move together through the bunker, clothes falling off along the way. By the time they’re at Dean’s door, their feet and chests are bare. Dean has Castiel against the wall, hips rolling against him and mouth sucking at his neck. Then they're in Dean’s room, pants halfway off and its only seconds before there’s nothing between them. Castiel covers Dean’s naked body with his own, worshiping him again with hands and mouth. Dean would say he saw God in the moments Castiel has his mouth on him, but that would be weird because God is kind of his son… so Dean just thinks about how perfectly bite worthy Castiel’s ass is and flips them over.

They move together in waves, pushing and sliding until it’s too much and Dean needs more.

“Cas,” he moans. “Cas, I need you to… I need…” He struggles to say what he needs because Cas has his mouth on him again and Dean loves it—Dean can’t imagine anyone has ever sucked a cock as perfectly as Castiel, Angel of the Mother Fucking Lord—but it’s not what he wants. “Cas, stop. Not like this.”

“What do you want, Dean?” Cas asks, kissing up his stomach and rolling his hips against Dean’s thigh as he makes his way back up to Dean’s mouth.

“In the drawer,” Dean says and gestures toward the bedside table. “Please.”

Cas doesn’t understand at first, but then he finds the bottle and he knows exactly what Dean is asking of him. He prepares Dean with his fingers, his mouth. He works him open until Dean is practically begging. Cas smiles smugly against Dean’s lips and Dean doesn’t even care that Cas is enjoying how blatantly desperate Dean is for him. All he cares about is getting Cas—

_Yes.Ohmygod.Yes._

Cas moves inside him like maybe that’s really all he was created to do. His hands are strong on Dean’s hips, his body draped over his back. Dean groans and pushes back, moves with the fuck of Cas’ hips. He’s coming before he’s ready, but Castiel isn’t far behind. He’s been lifted into heaven, he’s sure of it, because nothing has ever felt as good as Cas pushing inside him, kissing the back of his neck, and reaching around to stroke Dean through the most mind-melting orgasm of his life. Castiel’s thrusts speed up and he’s saying things Dean can’t understand again but it’s okay because Dean’s looking over his shoulder and watching Cas come, and it’s easily the most beautiful thing he’s ever seen. 

Later, when they’re curled together and Dean is dozing in and out of sleep, Castiel kisses his forehead, his temple, his nose and mouth. Dean isn’t a young man anymore, he can’t go for round two for at least a couple hours, but that isn’t what these kisses are about. Dean knows it the moment he catches Castiel’s eye. Castiel’s lips lift into a small smile.

“I like this.”

“Me too, Cas,” Dean says sleepily. He’s actually fighting to stay awake now. He mumbles, “Let’s do it forever,” and sinks further into his pillow.

Castiel says nothing. He strokes Dean’s hair, trails a single finger down his cheek, across his jaw. Dean’s slipping fast, his mind close to dreaming, when Castiel brushes another kiss across Dean’s cheek. He says something Dean can’t understand, maybe because he’s barely conscious, maybe because it’s in Enochian, Dean doesn’t know. All he remembers is the shiver that accompanies Castiel’s mouth near his ear, and the soft sigh of relief when Castiel whispers, “Forever.”


End file.
